Luisa's first photo shoot

I've been meaning to test out my photography skills with Little Miss Luisa as my subject but hadn't found the time until yesterday. The sun was shining, the baby was sleeping, all systems GO! But unfortunately, my model decided that she was no longer sleepy the moment I started to snap photos of her, so, we got a lot of awake and alert photos instead of the more traditional peaceful sleeping baby shots. I still love how bright and sun-filled the images came out and they capture her personality, crazy eyes, and itsy bitsy body parts perfectly. See more photos from Luisa's first photo shoot below. 

The Night Cries

I know before baby, I said this wasn't going to turn into a mommy blog and I meant it. BUT, I'm three weeks into raising a beautiful little baby girl and that is my life right now... being a parent to a needy, helpless, little infant.

Honestly, I wish I had new recipes to share with you, or outfit inspirations, or photos of what we did last weekend around Philly. I don't have those posts because we've basically been on house arrest binge-watching Walking Dead (OMG how did I not get into this show earlier!?!), and barely finding a moment to scarf down a bowl of cereal for dinner before my child is screaming to be fed...yet again. So my apologies that this is yet another post about a baby and motherhood, I promise that at some point, I'll return to other material.

For many years I knew I wanted to be a mother. I knew that I wanted to experience the freaking wild trip that is pregnancy and bring a new life into the world. I knew that it would be hard work, but there's knowing and there's experiencing... those are two totally different things. I knew that the "baby blues" existed, but I didn't know what they entailed, and that's what this post is about, a thing in my house that we like to call "The Night Cries."

Becoming a parent for the first time is the most humbling, beautiful, terrifying, and tiring experience of my life. The amount of emotions I feel when I look at my little girl's precious face is inexplicable. But something strange happens when the sun goes down, the tears start. Happy tears, sad tears, tired tears, all of the tears and it's hard to make them stop. I talked to a friend who had experienced something similar when she had her first baby, and so I took my research to the interwebs to see if it's a common thing -- postpartum depression "at night." And you know what? There's really nothing out there about it. But I would imagine that it's not just me and this one other person that have experienced The Night Cries. So I'm airing it out. It's a thing and if it's happened to you or happens to you in the future, just know that you're not alone. 

When the sun goes down, the anxiety begins. Is she going to sleep tonight? Am I going to get any sleep tonight? I hope nothing happens to her... I know she's supposed to sleep on her back in her bassinet but what if my baby only likes to sleep on her tummy.. in. my. arms!? How am I ever going to be able to go to the grocery store/mall/etc. again with a baby in tow? How am I going to keep her safe from all the evil in this world? ... and it spirals out of control very quickly. 

Then, we get her ready for bed, and we say our I Love Yous and I feed the munchkin and I gingerly place her in her bassinet (on her back) and attempt to get a few hours of shut eye. 

Then, we wake up in the morning (usually to the sun shining through the windows) and our baby wakes up making the most adorable little faces and we just stare at her and exchange glances that say "wow, we made this." and we start a new day. And I forget about The Night Cries and their accompanying anxiety and we start a fresh day full of more binge-watching of Netflix and tummy time and feedings and diaper changes.

You might also be interested in:

• The Birth Story
• Before Baby: An Open Letter to My Husband
• The Nursery Reveal
• Guest Post: 10 Tips for Survival (When Living With a Pregnant Woman)

The birth story

So, I'm going to do my best to spare you all of the gory details, but I did want to get this down on paper (err...screen) so that I remember it myself. One of the most magical things about child birth is that we're scientifically wired to forget it... therefore ensuring that the human race goes on! Because otherwise, no one would sign up for that crap willingly again.

Just kidding! I was very blessed with a fast and relatively easy experience with my first baby, and no matter how difficult it could have been, I got the best present ever at the end of it all. My little Luisa Rose, Lulu, Bugsy, Lulu Bug, and all the other nicknames we're working on giving her, is the most perfect little baby in the whole wide world and I would go through hell and back to bring her into the world again. Read the brief birth story below.